Posts tagged just kidding

Dowd and Out

He can’t handle the truth.

A young computer programmer on his way to a pheasant-hunting trip last November offered a cri de coeur about government groping: Just substitute “Leave the copter, take the corpse” for “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” Was this, I wondered, the same guy who sometimes showed up in the ’70s with mismatched shoes? Talk about your misty watercolor memories. What’s too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget.

Once upon a time, Cinderella fell out of favor. Nevertheless, Rand is blazing back as an icon of the Tea Party, which overlooks her atheism, amorality in romance and vigorous support for abortion. Our heroine, starting with a family disadvantage, faces hypocrisies, cruelties and obstacles on a perilous journey to a thrilling new world, and uses her wits and integrity to triumph. A new documentary about Cunningham offers a tonic of simplicity and a paean to women after Sheen’s excesses and contempt for women. Jerry Brown doesn’t know who Charlie Sheen is.

We’re bargaining with the shadow of a shadow. Once funeral homes began live-streaming funerals, it was probably inevitable. The antisocial nerd, surrounded by his army of slaving minions, has been holed up making something so revolutionary and magical that it turns him into a force that could conquer the world.

The doomed caribou gazed calmly across the Alaska tundra at Caribou Barbie. Hunting seems more sporting with birds — at least they have a better chance to get away. Unless the hunter is Dick Cheney, who would shoot pheasants that were pen-raised and released from a net to make slaughtering them easier. Hey, dude, you’re a politician. Act like one.

Sound familiar? That’s because all of the above is pieced together from lines out of NYTimes columnist Maureen Dowd’s columns.

*Photo credit: Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Science Daily has let loose a slew of fake headlines in the past 24 hours in celebration of April Fools Day. Below are Blogic’s faves:

• Molar Power: Milk Teeth Wanted for Stem Cell Palace Art Project: Children across Britain are being asked to donate their milk teeth to create “Palaces” — a spectacular glittering sculpture made from crystal resin and decorated with retired pearly whites. Tooth fairy forced to turn to black market.* [Also, do they mean baby teeth? What is a “milk tooth?” British readership, fill us in.]
• Long Lost Cousin of T. Rex Identified by Scientists: Scenes from their emotional reunion to air on Dateline NBC this Friday.*
  
• Common Yellow Lab Dye Profoundly Extends Lifespan in Healthy Nematodes: Nematodes, like crackpot alchemists, still scrambling for key to eternal life.*
• Advance Toward Making Biodegradable Plastics from Waste Chicken Feathers: It’s a good thing, because the world had been wondering how to deal with all of those non-biodegradable chicken feathers. Reuse recycle campaigns coming to a coop near you.*

*Sentences added by blogic.

April Fool’s! Those headlines are all from real pieces covered in Science Daily. You see what we did there? We’re such tricksters. PS. Even though we’ve been known to poke fun at you, we love you Science Daily, never change.

*photo of Zhuchengtyrannus magnus courtesy Science Daily

Blogically Speaking has been purchased by teen-fave TV network, the WB. Site co-founders ev and lebvs stated that they were initially unsure about the merger, but that the decision was finalized when they were offered lead roles - and writing/production leadership - in Felicity and Dawson’s Creek, respectively.

The merger is considered a boon for the tv channel, whose popularity has dwindled since the 1990s. In fact, most of the American public was largely unaware that the network still existed until it made headlines for its purchase of Blogically Speaking.

When asked to describe this merger’s effect on Blogically Speaking though the use of bizarre transportation imagery, ev and lebvs said:

Far from changing our editorial approach, our culture, or our mission, this moment will be for BlogicSpeak like stepping off a fast-moving train and onto a supersonic jet. We’re still traveling toward the same destination, with the same people at the wheel, and with the same goals, but we’re now going to get there much, much faster.